Hey J-Dogg (a new way to spell it). This is a cool idea. I like the web archive idea. The problem I had was with being on-line for so long. The only time I can get online is when I'm home alone. All other times someone is on the phone. I can write e-mail off-line, sign-on, send it, and sign off, no fuss, no muss. So I'm going to continue to send my parts by e-mail and I ask you to do the same.(Separate of course, so we don't build up one large letter, as you feared.) A correction and apology is in order. We've been spelling Ms. Spears' name "Brittney" when it is only "Britney". (One "T".) Sorry Britney. Please don't sue my pants off. (You don't have to sue me to get my pants off. Sorry, that's a joke from "The Simpsons"). Also I am truly enjoying the new season of "Buffy" and the new series "Angel". Next week is a two hour crossover. Guest starring.....SPIKE!!!!! (I feel all warm and squishy inside. NOT FOR SPIKE but for what this means for the storyline. [Buffy's, not ours. Well maybe.])
Me with my best Mickey Mouse impression: And now on with the show! I wish I could, but I can't send the story right now. I see what you mean about finding time to write it. I just can't find any time. I'll write it over the weekend. (If I get time.)
J-Dogg. If you haven't read my other letter, do so before reading any farther. You will understand this one better. I would like you to put my last e-mail into the archive with this one, because it has important notes and good jokes. Ooops! I Started to write the story on the last e-mail and forgot to erase the "Mickey Mouse Impression" thing. Just pretend that it's here.
The Two Fates, part 9
As you silently wait for the right moment to strike you fail to notice the Velocibarney sneaking around behind you behind you, until it steps on a twig. You quickly turn around to see the Velocibarney starring in the opposite direction. You think this one must be a dud as you take aim with your rifle. All of a sudden the bushes beside you start to shake moments before a Velocibarney pops out it's ugly head. (As if the real Barney's head isn't ugly either. Ha!)
"Clever girl, or whatever the heck you are," You say only a millisecond before the Velocibarney lunges at you. The Velocibarny you thought didn't see you is also upon you now and you see only a flash of purple and lime green before you black out.
As you regain consciousness you hear the sounds of hustling and scattered conversations. When you are finally able to see you don't like the sight that welcomes you. You are sitting in the clearing you saw me in earlier .Only now the tents and equipment are gone, and so is my hostage and all of my henchmen. Only me, a jeep, and several Velocibarneys remain. By the position of the sun you can tell it's late afternoon.
"Raise and shine, Buttercup," You hear my mocking voice as I step in front of you. "I love what you did with Demona. Attacking her when the sun comes up. Very clever. It'll still take hours before she recovers." You move to attack me, but then notice your legs are tied together and your hands are tied to a post. "Awww, What's the matter? Why do you have all of these pent up frustrations and anger towards me?" I answer my own question with a swift kick to your stomach. As you hunch over and groan in pain I cruelly chuckle. "Can't we all just get along? By the way that was for my genetics lab. Don't worry I have several more, that one was just my favorite." As I continue my cruel laughter you notice your backpack sitting behind me, and more importantly you notice the tall yellow ears of Pikachu sticking out. Before you even have a chance to smile Pikachu leaps out of your back pack and races to your rescue. Before I have time to turn around the electric rat (mouse actually) has dodged several Velocibarneys and has fired his thundershock attack. I yell in pain as I'm electrified and thrown several meters into the jungle. Pikachu races behind you and chews threw the ropes binding your hands and begins to fend off the advancing hoard of Velocibarneys. As you reach to untie your legs I step out of the foliage (there's a smart word for you), I tell the velocibarneys to go to my new base. No sooner have I spoken than all of the creatures race into the jeep and drive off into the jungle. Standing alone I look even more fearsome than usual. I reach into my pocket, and pull out a small red and white ball. ("Prepare for trouble.")
"That little electric rat is beginning to annoy me. ONYX! GO!" I yell as I throw the ball towards Pikachu. The ball splits in half and in a flash of red light a large pile of boulders appears. Then the pile starts to move. As you finish untying yourself and get to your feet you see that the pile of boulders is connected in a line and is actually a giant rock snake.
"GROAR!" Onyx bellows as it lunges at the hapless Pikachu. Pikachu tries all of it's strongest electric attacks, but to no avail. For we all know that electric attacks don't work on rock type Pokemon, didn't we? Onyx smashes it's gigantic head into the tiny Pikachu and sends it flying into a tree trunk. As the unconscious Pikachu falls limply on the ground I pull a purple and white pokeball out of my pocket and toss it at Pikachu.
"ULTRABALL! GO!" I yell, and when the ultraball hits Pikachu it opens up and in a flash of red light captures the K.O.'d Pokemon. "ONYX! RETURN!" I yell and recapture the gigantic rock snake in his pokeball. "Looks like I have a new hostage!" I yell holding up the ultraball. You race towards me to save your friend. You don't even get a meter before an explosion stops you dead in your tracks. You hear an electronic buzzing sound and look up to see a green robot with blue compound eyes, insect-like wings, and a yellow and black striped abdomen.
"Waspinator destroy puny human!" The robot yells in a buzzing voice. Just then the earth begins to vibrate and the trees begin to shake. Then six light green and purple (They have nothing to do with Barney.) construction vehicles break through the jungle from five different directions, leaving total destruction in their wake. You see the six vehicles as a steam shovel, a cement mixer, a dump truck, a bull dozer, a loader, and a truck crane. But the funny thing is there is no one driving them.
"Jon, allow me to introduce you to the Constructicons." I say only seconds before each of the vehicles transforms into a giant green, purple, and black robot. (Their names are listed in the same order as their vehicle forms.) "Scavenger, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Bonecrusher, Scrapper, and Hook. I got them on loan from the Decepticons. I hope you can enjoy their other ability as much as I do." With that the six robots transform and connect together to create one gigantic Decepticon. As much as I'd love to stick around I have business to attend to. My plan to rule the universe is about to come together. Sadly you won't be alive to see it. DEVISTATOR! DESTROY HIM!!! WASPINATOR! Try not to get in the way."
"Waspinator can destroy weak human. Waspinator doesn't need ancient Decepticon to help." The buzzy bug-bot complained.
"Right." I unenthusiastically say. "Anyway I have places to go and universes to conquer. Ta!" I press the button on my teleporter and disappear in a green glow.
"Devistator! Destroy!" The giant robot says as his hand reaches for you. Waspinator buzzes around behind him giggling wickedly.
This is where I leave it to you. As for Waspinator, just have fun.
And now what you've all been waiting for.....
"Welcome back sir," Smyte smiled as I appeared in a green flash.
"How is the plan progressing?" I ask him smiling back.
"Everything is going smoothly" Arthur stated as he reached for the armored briefcase sitting beside him, picked it up ,and opened it. Inside were five orange/yellow balls, each with a different number of red stars inside,
"We now have five Dragon Balls, sir. The sixth is being delivered as we speak."
"What about the seventh?" I ask enthusiastically.
"We've located it and are sending men out to retrieve it right now."
"Excellent! By this time next week my power will be second only to the almighty himself! (Hey! No one's bigger than Sinatra!) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I'M A NAUGHTY BOY! NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY! NAUGHTY!
"Yes, sir. We got her everything she asked for. Including the "Whinnie The Pooh" stationary and fuzzy pen."
"Perfect. Now on to the prisoner. Are we ready for the execution?"
"Everything is set. We're just waiting for your order."
We walked to a nearby window and looked inside. In the room sat Barney tied to a chair and facing us. Directly in front of him sat a television set facing away from us.
As soon as he saw us Barney started ranting. "Let me out of here," he bellowed in his stupid voice. "Do you expect me to talk?"
"No," I answered as I put a cassette into a video player sitting next to me. "I expect you to die, and have a very cheap funeral."
As the T.V. turned on Barney's expression turned from anger to fear. But instead of screaming he laughed that deep, syrupy, moronic laugh of his. But strangely his laugh became higher in pitch. It continued to get higher until we all had to cover our ears. Then.....Then....... THEN......Barney's head exploded in a shower of purple slime and pieces of chocolate. (What did you expect to be inside of his head? BRAINS?!? HA! Yeah, right!)
"Well that takes care of that." I said as I ejected the tape. I put it into it's box and handed it to Smyte. "Burn this."
"Very well sir," Smyte said as he looked at the box. It said "Teletubbies". The tape was totally incinerated ten seconds later.
"Smyte, tell me the moment the sixth Dragon Ball arrives. Until then I'm hungry. What's for lunch?" And I went to eat lunch with Britney.