Jon's Website


If a certain truth can be distilled into one 20 word sentance, then chances are good it's not very true.

...hey, everybody needs some words to live by, right? (:



Others' quote pages

"Musing On Life" by Bill McKeen

The website of someone, apparently an older gentleman, who stumbled across my website one day and dropped me an email about it. His site has a collection of his own wry and astute observations about life, and it is well worth a visit.


My Quotes

Human feet taste like chicken. I know because I'm forced to try mine so often.

Jesus is as good a reason to get up in the morning as I know.

Life gets bad so it can get good again.

Sometimes, the nicest thing you can do for a person is to graciously let them do something nice for you.

Thinking is the bane of popularity
(I'm probably not the first to say this)

If you can't learn to do something well, then you must simply learn to like doing it badly.

I don't believe in polygamy, and niether do my wives

Something that needs cleaning, upon being cleaned, will very shortly after need cleaning again
-- Jon's first law of futility

Humans are fools. All of us. And those who think they aren't are the biggest.

The Internet is a highly efficient means of distributing information. Unfortunately, it's equally efficient at feeding you lies.
Addendum: even that may not be true

If you remember who you are, who God is, what each of you is capable of, and that He loves you, you'll have a pretty good perspective for the day.

Show me an average human and I'll show you a very odd person indeed
(Probably not the first, 01/03/2000)

Government already does all useful things that it can. Only human stupidity will nessecitate it's expansion
(paraphrased from Abraham Lincoln, 01/13/2000)

In the game of social chess, I'm afraid I'm a pawn. I just don't have the moves that the big guys on the board do.

One thing that Usenet (definition) has taught me is to keep my mouth shut unless I know what I'm talking about

General, random thinking can be a good thing, but be careful. A foolish man who sits down to think for a while, when done, isn't any wiser, only more confused. Only I'm usually working or sweeping the shop or something, not sitting.

You may get the impression that I'm a bit offbeat, but I'd rather that than decieve you into thinking I'm normal

Why is it that, in this instant internet age, most of my personal emails both coming and going bear apologies for the reply having taken so long? Where is all the time gone to that our technology is supposed to have saved for us?

I'm afraid the human race just isn't wound that tightly
(posted 02/24/2000, said long before that)

I'm not high, really, I'm just alive

The study of business is the application of deadly practicality to wanton greed
-- Jon's first law of business (02/29/2000)

And since I'm neither practical or greedy...
-- Molly's Corollary to Jon's first law of business (4/2000?)

Obtaining wisdom is fairly easy if you know where to look or how to think. Putting it into practice is harder, as it specifically requires looking into and thinking about yourself.

Whatever I do, I'm constantly dogged by the fear that it's not really something I want to do, but something someone else, probably one of those marketing types, has secretly convinced me I want to do.

Truth is one of the most valuable things in the world to me. Unfortunately, one of the first truths I've found is that the human mind is a lousy thing to chase after the truth with.

Wings are knotty things. When used right, you soar. When used wrong, you crash. When you know where you're going, you get there fast. When you don't watch were you're going, you bring down militairy jets by smashing through the canopy and killing the pilot... Yeesh.
(10/16/2000, re-discovered on 2003 0619)

One of the secrets of extraordinary people is that they've realized that normal people can do extraordinary things.

People can't listen to advertising without coming out slightly the worse for wear (this brief conversation keeps running through my head: "stop it, stop it, you're eating my soul!!!" "Yes, but is there any money in it for me?")

It is the tax preparer's lot to sit and be bored until the last minute

There is no better thing than a healthy dose of advertising to make a man cynical

A little masochism never hurt anybody

Human Beings are very receptive when they're hearing what they want to hear
(2002 1103)

"Eat the chicken, Shinji"
"I don't want to!"
"Don't be a coward, Shinji, eat the chicken"
"NO, it's all nasty!"
"EAT the CHICKEN Shinji"
"Y-you raised them entirely on chemcials, it-it's not even real meat!"
Jon Keim, seriously sleep-deprived, quotes a speculative conversation between Gendo and Shinji Ikari in which NERV has gone bankrupt and Gendo has been forced to open a chain of Fried Chicken resturaunts to keep the lights on. Shinji is starring in a commercial for the chain. (2002 09??, on the RenFest trip?)

How many bits must one machine add, before it becomes a soul?
-- 2002 1007

This essay is about life; senses, sensations and stimuli of the very most instinctual and immediate variety. More than that, however, it's about the inevitable drift of life into death, and the gradual, profound loss of the things and people that have occupied us while we're in this world. Life, in its immediacy, is all you're ever really given, and so it's also all you have to loose.
-- 2002 1010, in an essay about another essay, "The Bone Garden Of Desire" by Charles Bowden

If a certain truth can be distilled into one 20 word sentance, then chances are good it's not very true.
-- 2002 1104

Do not envy the artist or the writer, for as much as he is able to capture emotion and feeling, so also is he prisoner to them. His greatest tool and his greatest enemy are one and the same: himself.
-- 2002 1110

One problem with being naturally skilled at observation is that you never feel compelled to do more than observe. Unless, of course, you're also one of those types that feels compelled to meddle.
-- 2002 1110

Don't try to obtain complete mastery or knowledge of a situation, it's too hard. Settle for participation instead.
-- 2002 1110

Beware! An amused poet is a distracted poet. Don't let him operate heavy machinery.
-- 2003 0117

In order to never make the same mistake again, I have determined that I shall, henceforth, always make different mistakes!
-- 2003 0128

Hey dumbass, stay positive!
-- 2003 0202

Thinking can only become wisdom if you remember it
-- 2003 0212

Jon: "It's sorta wierd. Here I thought we'd left this behind at the church, and then we run right into it when we get home, too."
Kate: "You know, I don't think this is something that's going to go away."
Jon: "No, I don't think so."
-- 2003 0605 conversation between Kate (my sister) and I, regarding the death of a neighbor (I think that the quotes are attributed to the right people... ^^;)

A relationship is like skiing downhill at thirty miles an hour. Especially if it's your first time and you wish you were only going ten.
-- 2003 0826, with Laine as muse

Please don't confuse poetry with wisdom. Poetry just means using pretty words, whereas wisdom involves actually having something worthwhile to say.
-- 2003 0828

If you are a poet that can only work when sad, enjoy the times when you can't. Because you will have plenty of opportunities to write poetry.
-- 2003 0908, derived from Søren Kierkegaard.

Bear your pain, then, with an easy grin and a bleeding heart, because it's called learning. And it's the only way any of us has a prayer.
-- 2003 0920, derived in part from the last few pages of Battle Angel Alita vol 5


Jon's all-together too famous quandary

I wonder if we're there yet? We keep trying to get there, but we're not there now. I wonder if we'll ever get there?
-- Jon's Quandary

Are we there yet?
-- Jon's Concise Quandary

No, we aren't. Be quiet and stop asking.
-- Mom's Corollary to Jon's Concise Quandary

No, we aren't. "When will we be, do you think?" When we get to Heaven.
-- Carrie's Corollary to Jon's Concise Quandary


Others' Quotes

The Bible says that the Cross offends. If you are offended, I am doing my job. If you are attracted to Christ, the Spirit is doing his work.
-- Bruce Barnes, pastor in "Tribulation Force" by Jerry B. Jenkins & Tim LaHaye

Preach always. Use words when necessary.
-- Unknown (at least I don't know)

Do not meddle in the affaris of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
-- Unknown

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
-- Unknown

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw
[webmaster's note: I'm a very progressive individual! ^_^]

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive
-- Bugs Bunny (contributed by Chad)

My philosophy is this... If you don't have a good sense of humor, you're better off dead.
-- Roger Rabbit

Revenge is a dish best served with pinto beans and muffins.
-- Armondo Guitierrez, evil CEO of a PC chip manufacturing company in "Freakazoid"

-- Pinky (a classic, again from Chad)

A plan so cunning, you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.
-- Adam Khan

Look around the table. If you don't see a sucker, get up and leave, because you are the sucker.
-- Amarillo Slim

It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical?
-- Alan Perlis

Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
-- Adventures of Asterix.

Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.
-- Aldous Huxley

The obvious mathematical breakthrough [to break modern encryption] would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers.
-- Bill Gates from "The Road Ahead," p. 265.

The Internet was designed to survive a nuclear war. But can it survive capitalism?
-- Charles Petrie

You know that old public speaking trick of picturing your audience naked? I like to pretend they're on fire. That way, it makes a lot more sense when I run screaming from the stage.
-- Craig Stacey

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

My money says that the guy who wrote "I Believe I Can Fly" has never actually tried it.
-- Doug Rendalla

He's an inept crook, he always robs people the wrong way.
-- Frank Tyger

Remember that as a teen-ager, you are in the last stage of your life where you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
-- Fran Lebowitzt

The world is moving so fast these days that the person who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it
-- Fosdick

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.
-- Garrison Keillor

The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
-- Henry Kissinger

Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-- Indian proverb

Consider the beauty of the forest. Now consider the beauty of the forest on drugs. Cool, huh?
-- Lev L. Spiro

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
-- Linda Ellerbee

A bird in the hand is worth nothing... unless it happens to be a Spotted Owl, in which case I bet you could sell it to an animal rights group for a pretty tidy sum.
-- Michelle Argabrite

When I play with my cat, how do I know that she is not passing time with me rather than I with her?
-- Montaigne

If possible, try to find a way to come downstairs that doesn't involve going bump, bump, bump, on the back of your head
-- Pooh in A.A. Milne's "Winnie the Pooh"

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea.
-- Tom K. Ryan

The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.
-- Thomas Jefferson

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
-- Tennessee Williams

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-- Ursula K. LeGuin

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
-- Weiler's Law

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
-- Unknown

If you are feeling unsuccessful just think about this: eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
-- Unknown

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
-- Unknown

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
-- Unknown

Pride of nationality depends not on ignorance of other nations, but on ignorance of one's own.
-- Unknown

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
-- Unknown

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
-- Unknown

Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-- Unknown

Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.
-- Unknown

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
-- Unknown

Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
-- Unknown

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-- Unknown

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
-- Unknown

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
-- Unknown

Never judge a book by it's movie.
-- Unknown

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
-- Unknown

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-- Unknown

The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-- Unknown

Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
-- Unknown

There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead.
-- Unknown

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
-- Unknown

The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.
-- Unknown

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
-- Unknown

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
-- Abraham Lincoln

Some people seem to think that my views are "tough." I'm not tough. Life is tough --- and I am just trying to get people to recognize that.
-- Thomas Sowell, April 6th, 1999 article "Random Thoughts" in the Jewish World Review

Sleeping and waking, living and dying, it is safe being in good company
-- Henry, Matthew. "Commentary on 1 Kings 13", "Matthew Henry Complete Commentary on the Whole Bible"

UNIX *is* user-friendly; it's just picky about its friends
-- Unknown

Your rebellion is their marketing scheme
-- Unknown

Go figure if there was one guy who was dead and still wanted to get on the net it would be you ;-)
-- Josh
[This is a comment a friend made about me over AIM. See the whole conversation.]

Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
-- Christian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

Remember, only by treating everyone with dignity and respect can we maintain the element of surprise for that inevitable day when we wipe our enemies from the face of the earth.
-- Unknown (snagged from a .sig on the MT Forums)

Nothing is as strong as gentleness or as gentle as strength
-- from a Dove dark chocolate candy wrapper

If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience?
-- George Bernard Shaw

Every problem in the universe can be solved by finding the right long-haired prettyboy and beating the crap out of him.
-- unknown (snagged from another .sig)

Luke, I am your tedious, overused plot device.
-- unknown (snagged from another .sig)

A closed mouth gathers no foot
-- Unknown (snagged from another .sig)

Wisdom has two parts: 1) having a lot to say, and 2) not saying it
-- from a Dove dark chocolate candy wrapper

We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"

Be like a duck; look calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like blazes underneath!!
-- Anonymous

I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
-- Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts"

"--My songs are of time and distance. The sadness is in you. Watch my arms. There is only the dance. These things you treasure are shells."
"I--I knew that. Once."
-- Wintermute and Marly Krushkhova in Count Zero by William Gibson (p.227)

Because ten billion years is so brief, so ephemeral that it arouses a bittersweet, almost heartbreaking fondness
-- Now and Then, Here and There (an anime series)

What is a poet? A poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music... And men crowd around the poet and say to him: 'Sing for us soon again'; that is as much to say: 'May new sufferings torment your soul, but may your lips be formed as before; for the cries would only frighten us, but the music is delicious.'
-- Søren Kierkegaard

People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
-- unknown (and a little trite. How can I test myself? Something to work on.)

Why is 'Inkblots' sometimes italicized and sometimes not?

We like to drive other recovering English majors nuts.
-- a FAQ for a very amusing web'zine

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