** It looks bad for our heroes. An overwhelming number of werewolves are attacking on all sides. Ha-Kee, the Dark (man-sized) Elf, is using high powered magicks to attack from afar. The Alpha Werewolf is still waiting in the shadows, more powerful than ever, and Warteen seems to be cowering like a baby.**
Warteen: HEY!!!
** Relax! That’s one of the things I’m going to change.**
Warteen: Oh. Okay then.
** Werewolves have Erronius pinned down, with Bob the Ninja racing to his rescue. A werewolf is charging at Queen Jaine, sword raised high, and one half of her is too frightened to move.**
QR: Come on Laine! Snap out of it!
** Will The Great Chad make it her rescue in time?**
** The Great Chad comes in low and manages to block the werewolf’s sword with his own just as it comes down for the deathblow.**
TGC (Turning to wink at Queen Jaine): Of course!
** The Great Chad pulls out another sword and fights back the werewolf before three more beast men come in to even the sides.**
TGC: Coward! It takes four of you to face one as mighty as I, The Great Chad!!!
** Bob the Ninja silently takes out the two werewolves holding down “Master Erronius”, then helps his master to his feet and stands before him ready to die to protect the aged wizard. Immediately, five werewolves rush forward to test that loyalty.**
Warteen (standing alone amidst the chaos): What about me?
** A loud inhuman roar sound behind Warteen, who turns to see the Alpha Werewolf standing, sword drawn, in a ready battle stance.**
Alpha (Sneering menacingly) : Hiya. Ready for Round 2?
Warteen (sword already drawn): Okay Milkbone breath. It’s about time you showed your shaggy self.
** The Alpha Werewolf loses any calm he once pretended to hold and charged forward with a savage roar.**
Alpha: GROAR!!!
Warteen (Charging forward to meet the Alpha Werewolf): SPOON!!!
** Their two swords clash with a deafening clang of metal on metal. Warteen, unfortunately, is visibly straining under the Alpha Werewolf’s superior strength. Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by the Alpha Werewolf.**
Alpha: Heh! You cannot win! Give up now, and perhaps The Master will spare your worthless life!
Warteen (Still straining to keep the Alpha’s sword away form his face): Didn’t we-ugh- go over this b-before? And-and I still said, “N-no!!!”
** Warteen somehow manages to use all of his strength to push the Alpha Werewolf back, albeit just a little.**
Alpha: You little pest!
** While Warteen and the Alpha Werewolf continue to do battle, The Great Chad and Bob the Ninja are fighting back to back, somehow managing to keep the overwhelming werewolf hoard at bay. Their protectorates, Erronius and Queen Jaine, standing behind them, doing all they can to come up with a plan to help their out numbered friends.**
BtN: How are you **Dodge** handling **Thrust** the fight **Parry** my friend?
TGC: The Great **Duck** Chad is having no **Swing** problem. What about **Jab** that Bartender fellow?
BtN (Dispatching yet another werewolf): He’s doing surprisingly well. See for yourself.
** The Great Chad could only spare a quick glance, but what he saw surprised even him.**
** The Bartender was holding his own, as Bob had said, surprisingly well against the advancing werewolf hoard. The barrel-chested man had just successfully completed an A-List of professional wrestling finishing moves in a matter of thirty seconds. Stunner, Rock Bottom, Choke Slam, Angle Slam, Body Slam, Big Boot/Leg Drop, Tombstone Piledriver, Last Ride, Razor’s Edge, and the Pedigree (A Fifty point bonus goes to whoever can name the WWE Superstars who perform(ed) these moves). Each of these maneuvers was executed in order to keep even more of the groups companions safe. Behind the warring Bartender stood a nearly panicked LemonLighter with Monkey on his back hanging on for dear life.**
** The fight seemed to be going slightly to the bad guys, and Ha-Kee hasn’t even joined the fight yet. Instead, the Dark Elf seemed content to stand on the sidelines and watch the action with a smug smile. Only Erronius noticed this. Sort of.**
Erronius (Pointing in entirely the wrong direction): Look Jaine. The Dark Elf…
QR (Looking in the right direction): Ha-Kee? What about him?
Erronius: He has yet to attack. If he makes a move amid all this chaos, we are sure to lose.
QL: You’re right! But what do we do?
Erronius: Do you know any high level attack magic?
QL: Not really. Raine?
QR (Making Jaine smile evilly): I have just the spell. Laine? Just do what I do.
** Queen Jaine cupped her hands and began to chant as a small glowing ball of red energy formed on her palms.**
QR: Darkness beyond twilight. Crimson beyond blood that flows…
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** A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…**
Obi Wan Kenobi: I sense a great disturbance in the force.
** Aww dammit!!! Wrong story again!**
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** Far away, in the land of darkness known as the Valley of Death, inside the dungeon of the towering black monolith known as the Master’s fortress, a very beaten and bloodied man stands, albeit weakly, chained to a dank dungeon wall.**
Beaten and Bloodied Man (Weakly): You-you’ll n-never get away with this, you monster.
** As soon as the man finishes speaking, the very shadows of the dungeon begin to move and form into a very large, vaguely human figure. Blazing green eyes open in the shadow form’s head as it walks towards the chained man. Before it even speaks, the shadow reaches back and savagely backhands the prone man. Then it begins to laugh, and speak in an unfortunately familiar voice.**
The Master (Still laughing evilly): Ha! You fool! I have already “gotten away with it!” Your brothers and sisters have been dealt with, and as soon as you’re gone, nothing will be able to stop me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
** On the bruised right hand of the chained man, a small golden ring glows faintly. If one were to look closely at the golden ring, they would find an engraved picture of a gaggle of lions.**
Chained Man: You c-can’t kill me. Just like you couldn’t kill them.
The Master: True. They, however, will never return to bother me again. And soon, neither will you.
** Behind the chained man, a small swirling blue vortex begins to form on the wall, and slowly grows.**
** The Master watched as the vortex slowly grew wider, intending to swallow the helpless man chained to the dungeon wall, sending him deep into the unknown. Sharp, needle-like teeth appeared on The Master’s face in a form that can only be described as an evil smile.**
** Suddenly, The Master’s smile disappeared as the voice of Queen Raine lightly echoed throughout the dungeon.**
QR: I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand…
The Master: It can’t be…
** With one wave on his hand, the vortex behind the chained man vanished. With another wave, The Master formed another vortex on the opposite wall, within it, the form of Queen Jaine was shown, chanting and holding a steadily intensifying red ball of energy in her hands. All around her, the sights and sounds of our intrepid group of heroes fighting off the hoard of werewolves were prominently featured.**
The Master (Slightly annoyed): Enough of this foolishness. PAPAYA-PAPHA!!!
** A bright flash quickly absorbed the vortex and the image of the great battle on the other side.**
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** Far away, the battle between the heroes of this, as of yet, unnamed story and the ever growing hoard of werewolves rages on. As Warteen, The Great Chad, Bob the Ninja, and the Bartender all continued to fight bravely in order to protect the huddled group of Erronius, Queen Jaine, and Monkey riding LemonLighter, the mass of beast men continued to press forward. Lead by the Alpha Werewolf, with Ha-Kee the Dark Elf standing in the background, the evil lycanthropes looked like they were on the verge of victory. Only the very powerful attack spell being conjured by Queen Raine looked like the last hope for survival they had left.**
QR: …BY THE POWER YOU AND I POSSESS!!! DRAGON--
** All of a sudden a bright flash of light interrupted Queen Raine’s spell. The bright light enveloped the huddled group of heroes and pushed back the large pack of werewolves, who covered their eyes from the blinding force. When the light finally faded, only the evil werewolves were left, standing in utter amazement and confusion.
Ha-Kee: What the--?!?
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** As the bright flash faded, Queen Laine found herself in a place that looked strangely familiar.**
QL: Where are we?
QR: I don’t know, where’s everyone else? Where’s Chad? We’re alone.
** Queen Laine looked around to confirm her sister’s statement. Sure enough, the others were nowhere to be seen. In this forest clearing it was just herself and her sister, Queen Raine, standing next to her.**
** WHAT?!?**
QL: R-Raine?!?
QR (Realizing the same thing): Laine!!! We’re separated! I’m free!
QL (Rolling her eyes): Oh that’s real nice, Raine, but it still doesn’t tell us where we are.
** If Queen Laine had watched her “sister” turn around, she would’ve seen the shocked look on her face, if Laine had looked even closer, she would’ve seen a tear of utter joy trickle down Raine’s cheek, and if Laine had seen the same thing, she would’ve had the same reaction.**
** Instead, Laine continued to look forward until Queen Raine finally regained enough sense to grab her twin “sister” by the shoulder.**
QL: What is it Rainey? Did you find out where we are?
QR (On the verge of tears): …We-we’re home.
QL (Turning around): What? What’re you talking abou-?
** Queen Laine did indeed have the same reaction that Raine did upon seeing their childhood home, fully restored, right before their eyes. But this is not what pulled at their heartstrings like a shark pulls an unwitting surfer to a watery death. Right in front of their long forgotten childhood home, standing with their arms open wide, and warm smiles on their faces, where their parents, alive and well.**
** Both separated sorceresses finally gave into their feelings and burst out crying as they raced to find out if this vision was real, or just an illusion.**
QL: Mommy!
QR: Dad!
** As they reached their once again living parents, Queen Laine and Queen Raine fell into the warmest embrace they had ever felt in their entire lives, combined or separated. All other thoughts left them in this one perfect moment. This one moment they both wished ,with all their hearts, would last forever. They were separate people, they were home, and their loving and kind parents were alive and well. Only one thought was in their minds as they reveled in this one perfect family hug. A thought that they believed with absolute certainty. This is the way the world should be.**
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** As the bright flash faded, Warteen was surprised to find himself in a dank dungeon. The walls are wet with slime, the floor is littered with human bones, and even the very shadows seem like they will reach out and hurt you.**
Warteen (Sarcastically): My, what lovely guest room.
** All of a sudden, Warteen hears a moan from behind him. He quickly turns around, and draws his sword ready the face the horrible…broken and bloody man chained to the wall.**
Warteen: Who are you.
Erronius’s Child: I’m- I’m…God, it’s been so long, I can hardly remember. Uhh…Palios. My name is Palios.
** The man winces as a sudden pain shoots through his beaten body.**
Warteen (Racing to the pained man): Oh Geez! Are you okay?
Palios: N-no. But they are even worse.
** Warteen turns to where Palios weakly pointed, and froze in horror as he saw LemonLighter pecking at a giant purple crystal. It wasn’t the chocobo, or even the giant crystal that frightened Warteen, it was the figure that looked to be happily sleeping inside. It was Erronius. Next to the purple crystal containing Erronius, where five more of varying colors contained his other companions, all peacefully slumbering. The Great Chad, Queen Jaine, Bob the Ninja, Monkey, and The Bartender, all encased in colorful crystal, and all with a blissful look on their sleeping faces.**
Warteen: That’s not a good thing is it?
Palios: Nope. And it’s about to get even worse.
** Warteen watched as the shadows all around him began to swirl and take shape. The shape of a large, vaguely human figure with green eyes. As he watched this, and the growing horror on Palios’s face, Warteen could only think on thing. This is NOT the way the world is supposed to be.**
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** The Bartender is now a happy man. This is all he could ever want. A successful bar to call his own, many good friends all hanging on his every word…**
Bartender: Not many people know that the titmouse is neither a mouse nor a--
** A husky man in a business suit and tie walks in the door across the bar.**
Man: Hey everybody.
Everybody: NORM!
** Norm walks across the bar and sits on the stool next to The Bartender, a beer already waiting for him as he sits down.**
** It’s at this time that The Bartender notices that he’s not on the inside of the bar itself. No, it’s some older pretty boy and a dimwitted farm boy. That’s okay with him. He’s still having a good time. There’s only one thing bothering him.**
** Why is he dressed as a mailman?**
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** As the shadows finally settled on the form of The Master, Warteen drew his sword and stood ready to protect the ailing Palios. That is until The Master, with a simple wave of his hand, magically tore Warteen’s sword from his hands and sent it skittering across the dungeon floor.**
Warteen: Oh poop.
The Master: Oh please. If I where actually afraid of your pitiful weapons, I’d never have brought you here. And if I wanted you dead, you’d already so.
Warteen: Then what do you want me for? And what did you do to them?
** The Master vaguely turns to acknowledge the crystal encased forms of Warteen’s companions.**
The Master: Do not worry about them. They are safe…for now. As a matter of fact, they are each currently living in their greatest dream, where their fondest wishes come true. In other words, they are each living in their own perfect world.
Warteen (Genuinely confused): Why are YOU doing this for them?
The Master (Smiling that evil smile): Oh, I didn’t do this for them. You see, this is indeed a unique form of torture. The only way to escape their crystal prisons is from the inside. And that, I imagine, would be akin to tearing off your own arm. They will never escape.
** Warteen’s posture slumped ever so slightly as the severity of the situation hit him, but he was not about to give up.**
Warteen (Regaining most of his brave composure): You’re a monster.
Palios (Struggling to smile bravely): That much, at least, is true.
The Master (Feigning disinterest in Palios): Oh. You. I almost forgot. Do you mind? I’m trying to have a conversation here.
** With a simple wave of his hand the blue portal once again swirled into existence behind Palios. Palios didn’t even have time to scream before he was sucked from his metal bonds and into the blue swirling unknown.**
Warteen: NO!!!
** No sooner had Palios disappeared into the vortex, then the large chocobo, LemonLighter, stopped pecking at the crystal containing Erronius, and ran headlong into the portal, following Palios to wherever he’s been sent.**
Warteen: Huh?
The Master (Feral smile growing wider): Bye-bye.
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** Bob the Ninja found himself in the strangest place in the world. Well, to him it’s strange. We’d call it the newsroom of an office building. Anyway, Bob wasted no time in drawing his sword in response to the panicking people all around him. Little did he realize he was the cause of their panic.**
BtN: What is the matter? Why is everyone running?
** Finally getting fed up with all the running and screaming, Bob lashed out with his sword and sliced through the nearest object. The water cooler cleanly split in two, spilling H2O all over the floor.**
BtN: WHAT IS GOING ON?!?
** The answer to his question was the sound “thwip” as a strange rope-like object shot out from behind him, stuck to his sword, and pulled it right out of his hand. Bob was already turned around and in a ready stance before the figure dressed head to toe in a red and blue costume and, oddly enough, hanging upside down, even spoke.**
Spider-Man: Hey Bunkie. What’s the hype?
BtN (Misinterpreting the costume): Ah! A rival ninja clan has sent it’s finest warrior to face me in honorable combat! It is about time.
Spider-Man (Face unreadable behind his full-head mask): I don’t know what you’re on buddy, but you should really lower the dosage. I’m just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
BtN (Spending WAY too much time around Erronius): So, you hail from the Spider Clan do you?
** Across the room a middle aged man with a moustache and hair style that resembles a push broom pointed at Spider-Man and ranted, as usual. His name is J. Jonah Jameson.**
J.J.: Spider-Man!!! So you’re behind all of this!!! I knew it!
Spider-Man: Simmer down J.J. We already have one over-excited nutcase on the premises. We don’t need you to horn in on his fun.
** Unfortunately, Bob took all of this the wrong way.**
BtN (Now angered): Not only do you come to challenge me, but you also come here to terrorize these innocent people. You deserve to die.
J.J. (To himself): I think I like this guy.
Spider-Man (To Bob): Woah there, wise guy. You don’t under--
** Before Spider-Man can finish, Bob leaps up to deliver a devastating kick at blinding speed. Spider-Man is just narrowly able to dodge the attack as he finally leaps off his hanging web line and lands on the floor right side up.**
Spider-Man: Okay, we’ll discuss this later.
** Bob the Ninja remains deadly silent as he continues to press his attack.**
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The Master: Now, where were we?
Warteen (Trying his hardest to remain brave in the face of absolute evil): Why?
The Master: I brought you here to work for me.
Warteen (Fighting to not lose his temper in this tense situation): That’s not what I meant.
The Master: I know. Heh.
Warteen: What do I have that you could possibly want?
The Master: The Power of Prophesy.
Warteen: What?
The Master: I your dreams, you have the powers of a seer. If properly honed, these powers will grow and become a great asset for me to use in my mission of conquest.
** Suddenly, Warteen remembered. His DREAMS! The strange dreams he’s been having, they where visions. Visions of this horrible place, but where they also visions of his fate?**
Warteen (Distraught at the thought): No.
The Master: Yes. You will join me.
** It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t even a suggestion. It was a demand, and Warteen knew it. However, Warteen wasn’t about to give up all of his faith and ideals to the likes of this monster.**
Warteen: And if I refuse?
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** The Great Chad is the king of the world.**
** Literally.**
TGC: WOO-HOO!!!
** In a highly ornate golden palace, atop an even more fancy thrown of silk pillows, gold, and jewels, The Great Chad scanned the gigantic walls full of comic books and movies, the sheer volume of which was outnumbered only by the number of beautiful scantily clad women all fussing and fawning over The Great Chad. And this was only the library den.**
** The beautiful women ranged from about every desirable age, race, nationality, and species. A few had elegant elf ears, a couple had beautiful butterfly wings, and some of them even had tails and cat ears. In other words every beautiful female in the world of fantasy now at the service of The Great Chad. And he truly believed he couldn’t be happier. That is until Bob the Ninja walked into the room wearing a tutu over his ninja outfit. The Great Chad couldn’t control his victorious laughter as two women began to massage his neck. One was a beautiful raven haired amazon princess with a gold tiara and golden lasso and the other was Storm from the X-Men.**
TGC (Giggling gleefully): Bob the Ninja, my faithful butler, where is Warteen?
BtN (Bowing respectfully): Sire, your stable boy is now cleaning your fifth stable before going to bed in the barn.
TGC (Smiling evilly): Excellent.
BtN: And what of Master Erronius, O Great One.
TGC: Who’s Erronius?
BtN: Erroni--
TGC: IT DOSEN’T MATTER WHO ERRONIUS IS!!! I’M KING OF THE FREAKIN’ WORLD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BtN: And what of Queen Raine?
** Only this, the mention of one woman noticeably absent from his new harem, seemed to break Chad out of his victorious ranting.**
TGC (Wistfully): After that stupid infatuation spell she cast on me wore off, I continued to romance her as she is as beautiful as she is powerful.
** The nearly sorrowful look on The Great Chad’s face was soon replaced by a smile of shear malevolence.**
TGC: But now that I have all the power I could ever want, I don’t need her anymore!
** The Great Chad happily surveyed his harem, when he was struck by a sudden thought.**
TGC: Perhaps I SHOULD try to find Queen Raine and her annoying sister. After all, I could always use another masseuse for my left foot.
** The Great Chad stuck out his left foot and immediately women all around scrambled over themselves to rub his foot. Another three carrying wine jugs raced to refill his golden goblet after he took only one sip.**
TGC (After taking another sip of wine): Nah! Four is enough…for now. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
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The Master: “Refuse?”
Warteen: Yes. If I refuse to help you, what will you do? Kill me?
The Master: …Yes. Eventually, but first…
**The Master held out a hand to the row of slumbering crystal encased heroes and made a fist.**
** A small crack appeared in one of the crystals, and began to grow.**
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** Erronius hasn’t felt this way in decades, he hasn’t seen his children in even longer, but there they are, all six of them in front of their home. All young children, exactly as he remembered them.**
Erronius (Openly weeping for joy): M-my children. At last I have found you.
** He never though this possible, but he is young again. He can see his children running towards him, he can hear their joyous laughter, and he can bend down and feel their hugs as he lifts them in his arms. He is the happiest ever he’s been since the day his children were taken from him.**
** Then the chaos started.**
** Never in his long life had Erronius felt such raw destruction and evil as the massive cracks appeared in the earth and tornadoes ravaged across the sky. Wide fissures opened in the ground everywhere around him and his children, who all screamed in fear and huddled close to their father in the lost hope that he might be able to save them. It was not to be. Erronius watched in horror as the cracks caused by the massive earthquakes grew wider and wider, eventually swallowing his old home and dropping it into a river of lava far below. Worse still, is when one of the many tornadoes came close enough to tear his children right from his arms. He saw the terror in their eyes as his precious children were torn from his arms, but his vision began to blur as they were quickly raised into the sky. He heard their fearful cries as they were blown away to their deaths, but their screams faded as he began to lose his hearing. Erronius instantly aged all his years as he lost everything he ever wanted in his entire life.**
** Then the whole world shattered.**
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** Warteen was only able to watch as the crystal containing Erronius began to crack and pieces began to fall of. The cracks grew steadily larger and the falling chunks grew as well. Suddenly, Erronius’s eyes shot open in absolute horror only a moments before the entire crystal shattered.**
Warteen: NNNNOOOOOO!!!!
** Warteen reached out in desperation as pieces of crystal sprayed all over the dungeon. Warteen watched in horror as the chunks containing pieces of Erronius rolled to a stop at his feet. The pieces of Erronius in the crystals slowly faded into nothingness, leaving nothing but pure purple shards of crystal scattered all over the dungeon floor.**
** Warteen did all he could to bravely fight back the tears of sorrow that threatened to consume him. He failed.**
Warteen (Weeping over the senseless loss of life): Why? Was he that big a threat to you that you had to incapacitate, then destroy him? Were you that afraid of his power?
** The Master’s riotous laughter was the most frightening sound Warteen had ever heard.**
The Master: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! “Afraid?” Of that old fool?!? Don’t be absurd! The last thing that could possibly defeat me just passed through that portal moments ago, and it wasn’t the chocobo.
Warteen: Palios?
The Master: Yes. The last child of Erronius has been lost in time and space along with his five siblings and their accursed rings! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
** Warteen was shocked senseless by the revelation just presented to him. He now knew his choices were limited. He could agree to help The Master, fight, or flee. He wasn’t about to run away and leave his other friends to the fate of Erronius, and he would never agree to help an evil force conquer the world. He only had one choice left, and his sword was in sight across the dungeon floor.**
Warteen (Getting ready to make a mad dash for his sword): I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You are a monster.
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** Monkey on an island.**
Monkey: Ook!
** Monkey on an island with nothing but banana trees.**
Monkey: Ook! Ook!
** Monkey on an island with nothing but banana trees and female chimpanzees, red butts a-blazing.**
Monkey (To the tune of “I’m in the Money”): Ook ook ook-ook ook!!!
** Monkey nearly clicked his heals as he walked towards the nearest pile of bananas with the cutest chimp babes by it.**
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** Warteen readied himself to make a mad dash for his sword at a moment’s notice.**
The Master: Yes. Yes. I’m a monster. I think I’ve established that well enough. Can we please move on to something else? Like, will you agree to join me, or do I have to continue to kill your friends?
Warteen: I will never join you, and I won’t let you hurt any more of my friends.
The Master: Oh really? I’d like to see you try and stop me.
Warteen: Okay.
** With a sudden burst of energy, Warteen raced for his sword on the other side of the dank dungeon. For a moment, Warteen held a faint hope that he would reach his sword in time.**
The Master (Menacingly): Very well. You have been warned.
** Warteen was, indeed, able to reach his sword. But as soon as grasped the handle of his cold steel blade, the floor beneath him disappeared and he fell into the deep dark void.**