Chapter 13: The three fates (?!?...trippy alternate ending)

[Archive-maintainer's note]: This is a chapter written by one of Chad and my common friends who wanted in on the story. Unfortunately, by the time he wrote this (in the middle of Chad's chapter 11 installments), we had too much planning and thought invested in the story to just scrap it. But this tale still deserves to be told, so it's posted here as a story from an alternate universe... Why chapter 13, when it belongs in between chapter 11 parts B & C? I dunno. So just sit back and enjoy as reality starts to leave trails a-la LSD with this one. (:

Okay, JON, Chad's response when I said I wanted in on this story was "NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!" but I'm going to write a chapter anyway. This thing is getting off-track, what with all these tandems and all... so... The Two Fates- Chapter 13- The Three Fates I have been watching this little tyrade between you two go on for long enough. I believe it may be time to... intervene. *stands up and fiddles with the instruments on his Wrist-Comp, then instantaneously dissappears* Suddenly, Chad and Jon find themselves in a blank, white area, with three recliner-type chairs facing an old television (where could this be from, hmmm?). "What the... Where am I???" questions Jon. He notices me. "What are YOU doing here?" "Have a seat, boys. I will explain everything." I notice that they take the chairs farthest from each other. "Come, come now, gentlemen. You used to be the best of friends. What could possibly come between such a friendship?" "Well," Chad begins, "there these Velocibarneys, and the biting, and the hurting, and what have you..." "Yeah," Jon agrees, "there's no way we'll ever be friends again. Just look at him! He's evil!" I look at Chad. Somehow, I can't picture him with horns and a pitchfork. "I think you're hallucinating," I tell Jon. "No matter. This is not the way things should be. I was to be a part of your timeline, but it was all screwed up by that horrid thing known as the Kiss War. You see, the Kiss War is the last remnant of an actual war that happened many years ago." A vivid image appears on the TV screen. "There were no victors in this war... just those people that we call 'kissualties'. It was a real shame. Some evil power, much more evil than Chad and his minions," Chad sneers at this. "Some evil power has re-enacted this war. There is only one way to stop it, and I am the only one who can do it. This timeline must never have existed." The two rivals protest at this. "What do you mean, never existed?!" Chad demands, "Does that mean I won't get Britney Spears??!?!!? Not that I, uh, want her..." he trails off. "I'm sorry, Chad," I say, "but this is the way it has to be. Don't get me wrong. This story can be rewritten. However, I was meant to be a part of it. There are people who died... they weren't supposed to die." "Like who?" Jon inquires. "Well," I answer, "you're not going to believe this, but Barney needed to live. Barney's 'I love you, you love me' policies were adapted by the US and a nuclear war with Cuba over that Elian kid was averted. When you killed him, you altered that timeline." "This is insane!" Jon shouts, "There is no way Barney could save the world. NO WAY!" "I'm sorry, Jon, but something seems to have clouded your judgment." Suddenly, Jon's Pikachu pokes its head out of his backpack. "Pika?" "Vile thing..." I mutter, and I crush the offending rodent with my fist. I am rewarded with a strong electric shock. Jon laughs. "Didn't see that one coming, eh Adam?" "What did you call me?" "Your name. Adam, right?" "What... How did you know that?!" "You told me, earlier..." "Oh. Okay. Anyway, this timeline has already been stopped. In this world, not hanging out with you guys allowed me to utilize my genius. I became one of the top technological inventors in the world. Sadly, though, it was not meant to happen. I was MEANT to go with you two." "How do you know all this?!" Chad demands. "I saw it on Oprah." "Oh." "Anyway," I continue, "you two are only remembering things that did not happen. We are going to go back, chooses sides, and live these last few months again. Only this time, I will be there. And perhaps I will cause you two to make different choices. None of us will remember anything that happened after the Kiss War came to Chad's computer." I push a button on my Wrist-Comp. We all black out. Suddenly, we are all in Chad's house. It is April 29, 2000 A.D., Chad's mother informs us. "That was weird..." I mutter. "What?" Chad and Jon both say. I pause. "Nothing... I just felt like I was dreaming for a moment there." "Strange," Jon says, "I felt that too." We both look at Chad, who grins evilly. "What?" he says. "Never mind," says Jon. "What were we doing?" "I'm not sure..." I say. I can't remember what we were just doing. "I think we were about to go use the computer," says Chad. Jon and I agree that it's a fine idea. Once we get on Chad's computer, he checks his email. "This is weird," he says, "Someone sent me something called 'Kiss War'..." So, there you have it. I neatly wrapped up all the loose ends and... what was I talking about???

- Adam
"Big Adam"
"Warteen"
"Saran Man"
"Adam Bomb"
"Adam Ant"
"A-Guy"
(take your pick)