“Well, that was certainly an interesting way to start things off,” J.R. said with a smile. “But, for now, King and I have to make room for our second pair of commentators for the evening.”
“No!” King whined, knowing full well who is in the next match. “I wanna stay! I wanna see the ‘puppies’…Uh, I mean the ‘kitties’!”
“Well, King,” J.R. laughed. “You know, if we get to the back fast enough, we can watch the match on a monitor--King? King? Where did he go?”
It took J.R. only a second before he realized his perverted partner was already halfway up the ramp and making good time on the rest of the way.
“Before I join King in the back, earlier today, our very own April O’Neil had the chance to interview a Jedi Master.”
* * * * *
In a segment recorded earlier in the day, April O’ Neil is shown in the backstage interview area holding a microphone. Next to her, standing on some crates, was a familiar form. Standing three-foot nothing (Five feet if you count the crates), a green, elfish being in an old brown robe, leaned on a small gnarled wooden cane and smiled at the young woman bold enough to ask him for an interview. He radiates both aged wisdom and adorable playfulness. He is known far and wide as the most powerful Jedi in the universe. He is Yoda.
“First of all, thank you very much for this interview,” April said graciously. After all, this was her biggest interview since she met four young mutant turtles that study the martial arts.
“Mine the pleasure is,” The nine hundred year old Jedi Master chuckled. “Many questions you must have.”
“Right,” The red haired reporter confirmed. “Down to business. First off, do you have any advice or words of wisdom for the fighters tonight?”
“Yes,” Yoda smiled ruefully and looked into the camera. “Wisdom to share I have. Do or do not, there is no try.”
“I didn’t need Jedi powers to see that one coming,” April quipped. “What do you think about your student, Luke Skywalker’s, match against Tenchi Masaki tonight?”
“Highly skilled both young warriors are,” The impish Jedi Master stated. “Strong with the force Young Skywalker is, but faces a power much different, yet similar, to the Force he does in the Jurai Prince. An interesting match it should be. Wish them both luck I do.”
“Cool,” April enthused (Then thought she’s been hanging around teenage turtles too much). “What else do you think of the unprecedented events that will take place tonight?”
“The Dark Side clouds much,” Yoda intoned as he closed his eyes and concentrated. “Made dark alliances will be. Forged new friendships are. Arise new evil will, but never falter the forces of good will. Hard to see the future is, although much ass-kicking I foresee.”
As the camera faded out on Yoda, a comforting smile slowly appeared on his face.
* * * * *
“Well,” Daffy complained as he joined April at the commentating table and adjusted his microphone headset. “An Apocalyptic vision. How…discomforting.”
“I don’t think so, Daffy,” April calmly amended. “He seemed more concerned with answering my questions and reassuring us than freaking us out with prophecies of doom.”
“Whatever,” The Little Black Duck sarcastically muttered. “We still don’t know what he was talking about.”
In case you’re wondering, yes, Daffy’s illustrious entrance was met with complete and utter silence from the massive audience. Except for a cricket that somehow got into the fourth row of the nosebleed seats.
“I bought a ticket,” Jiminy stated matter-of-factly, pulling his ticket stub from underneath his tiny top hat. “Plus, I like Daffy Duck.”
* * * * *
“I have got to fire my agent,” Daffy noted to himself.
o/` Oh I-I-I- I Wanna Be Bad With You Baby.
I-I-I-I- I Wanna Be Bad With You Baby... o/`
“We may never find out exactly what Yoda meant,” April confessed. “But we WILL find out whose going to win this next match!”
“Clever,” Daffy snidely remarked. “How long did it take you to come up with that one?”
“Let’s see you do better, Duck.”
As Daffy contemplated a sarcastic reply, Willa Ford’s “I Wanna Be Bad” began to play and the crowd roared as a voluptuous figure, clad in skintight purple spandex strode out the entrance way and down the ramp.
“Making her way to the ring,” The Announcer said to the cheering crowd. “From Gotham City, weighing 125 pounds, the infamous Catwoman!”
o/` I Wanna Be Bad!
You Make Bad Look So Good!
I Got Things On My Mind,
I Never Thought I Would!
I-I Wanna Be Bad! o/`
“ME-OW!” Daffy exclaimed as he observed the cat burglar and accomplished martial artist--Okay, he was perversely leering at the hot babe in skintight spandex with long black boots and clawed gloves.
April just rolled her eyes.
The sultry Selina Kyle, a name not known to the assembled masses, gave a quick toss of her long raven tresses from under her cowl and a wink to the fans before she entered the ring and awaited the match’s other competitor.
“o/` I’m Comin’ Up, So You Better Get This Party Started! o/`”
“Wait just one cotton pickin’ minute!” Daffy said as he cocked an ear (Does he even have ears?) towards the speakers all around him. “I recognize the song, but that’s not Pink singing!”
“Nope,” April confirmed. “Felicia is an aspiring actress and entertainer, and tonight she has her big chance!”
As Felicia appeared on the entrance ramp with a microphone, Daffy just couldn’t help himself.
“Oooo! I tawt I taw a puddy tat!”
“Hey!” April smiled. “Daisuke owes me five bucks now!”
True enough, Felicia was indeed a REAL cat-woman. Unlike the infamous thief in the ring, the cat ears sticking out from her fluffy blue hair were real, as was the long white tail swaggering behind her. Her white fur formed intricate (And necessary) patterns over her human skin. Still, this fact didn’t stop the fans from cheering (As a matter of fact…Heh-heh), or the young cat-girl from entertaining them!
“Ladies and gentlemen!” The aspiring entertainer on the entrance stage shouted into her microphone. “I am Felicia! And I’m here to entertain all of you!”
“Sweet, sexy, and singing!” Daffy crowed. “What more could you ask for?”
“A little more clothing perhaps,” Said the reporter in the yellow jump suit.
Felicia just kept singing as she danced her way to the ring.
“o/` Get This Party Started on a Saturday Night!
Everybody’s Waitin’ for Me to Arrive!
Sendin’ Out the Message to All of My Friends!
We’ll Be Lookin’ Flashy in My Mercedes Benz! o/`”
The cheerful cat girl didn’t stop singing until she stepped into the ring. Once inside, she handed her microphone to the exiting Announcer, and settled into an interesting fighting stance. Despite the relative cuteness of her stance, Felicia still looked at her opponent with a smug, confident expression.
“You don’t sing half bad,” Catwoman taunted. “But how well can you fight?”
“Pretty well,” Felicia smirked. “Wanna find out?”
“You asked for it, Kitten,” Catwoman said as she leaped forward to attack.
“And Catwoman makes the first move!” Daffy said as Felicia dodged Catwoman’s first high kick to her head. The master thief, in return, artfully dodged Felicia’s claw slash.
When Catwoman tried a claw slash of her own, Felicia ducked under it only to be met by Selina’s knee to her face.
“Besides being hailed as a talented cat bugler,” April informed the crowd watching at home. “Catwoman is also a highly skilled martial artist.”
As true as that is, the Darkstalker cat girl’s supernatural agility and strength managed to even the odds quite well.
Catwoman neatly dodged most of the Darkstalker’s attacks, and in turn most of the master thief’s attacks were simply blocked by Felicia.
“They’re pretty evenly matched,” April noticed.
“Yeah, this sucks!” Interrupted Daffy. “C’mon! This is supposed to be a catfight! They’re too dang good! Where’s the violent groping? Where’s all the clothes tearing?”
“I don’t believe you,” April snorted in disgust. “Felicia isn’t even wearing clothes!”
Back in the ring, the “catfight” took a new turn when Catwoman managed to kick Felicia in the chest.
Felicia quickly rolled back across the ring and into Selina’s chest, kicking her in the face as she ricocheted off. Catwoman staggered back and slumped against the corner turnbuckle.
“Not bad,” Catwoman groaned as she kept an eye on her opponent. Felicia landed on all fours, poised and ready for the battle to continue. She was surprised to feel the sting of a bullwhip as it wrapped around her forearm.
“Not as good as me though,” Catwoman smirked and gave a sharp tug on the bullwhip.
“Yeep!” Felicia yelped as she was violently yanked across the ring. Catwoman continued by kicking her in the head as soon as she was close enough.
“Where did Catwoman get a bullwhip!?!” Daffy shouted in confusion.
“Didn’t she always have it?” April wondered.
On the mat, Felicia rolled back and forth, narrowly avoiding the business end of Catwoman’s whip…Most of the time.
“And Catwoman clearly is beginning to dominate this match-up with her bullwhip,” April informed as the loud crack of the whip echoed from the ring.
“‘Dominate’...’Bullwhip’,” Daffy chuckled. “I get it!”
“You just wish you did,” April retorted, much to her partner’s chagrin.
The pseudo-game of “Cat and Mouse” continued in the ring. That is, until the last of Catwoman’s strikes missed wide enough for Felicia to roll to her side and kick Catwoman in the stomach. Selina Kyle grunted in pain as she staggered backwards.
“It looks like Felicia could take control of the match here,” April enthused as Felicia rose to her feet despite the many visible injuries she just suffered.
The blow didn’t faze Catwoman for long though. Faster than the Darkstalker could dodge, Catwoman once more snapped her bullwhip around Felicia’s arm and yanked the hapless cat girl forward.
But this time, Felicia ducked under Catwoman’s follow-up strike and used her free hand to deliver a claw swipe to the thief’s midsection.
“Fool me once,” Felicia taunted as Catwoman winced in pain. “Shame on you!”
Felicia unwrapped the whip from her arm and jumped back a ways. Once she was half way across the ring, she kneeled down and prepared for her attack.
“SAND SPLASH!” Felicia shouted as she kicked forward, sending torrents of sand into Catwoman.
“AHH!” The cat burglar screamed in pain as the attack assaulted the fresh wounds on her stomach.
“Where the hell did all that sand come from?!?” The commentator with black feathers shouted in confusion. “There’s no sand in the ring!”
“Where ever it came from,” April offered an excuse. “It certainly helped Felicia gain control of the match.”
Just as April had said, Felicia stood tall in the ring while Catwoman was slumped in against the ropes in pain.
“You know, we don’t have to finish this,” Felicia calmly suggested, but remained in a fighting stance none the less. “We can call it a draw if you feel you need medical attention.”
“Thanks for the offer,” The weakened thief smiled. The smile still contained the same smugness as before, but now contained a slight hint of warmth as well. “But I’d rather lose cleanly than just give up.”
“Okay,” Felicia returned the borderline friendly smile. “Ready when you are.”
All at once, in a blur of motion and sound, Catwoman snapped her bullwhip at Felicia, putting her on the defense, then rushed forward in attack.
But the damage had already been done. Catwoman was far slower than normal, and was caught off-guard when Felicia whipped her in the face with her tail. Continuing in one fluid motion, Felicia’s high kick caught Selina right on the chin.
Catwoman flew backwards and landed hard on the mat, unconscious.
“Your winner,” The Announcer crowed. “By a Knock-Out, FELICIA!!!”
As her theme song played in celebration, Felicia knelt down, picked up Catwoman, slumped her over her shoulder, and carried her up the ramp towards the waiting EMTs.
“In a touching show of sportsmanship, rarely seen these days,” April noted. “Felicia is helping her fallen opponent receive medical attention.”
“Who cares about ‘sportsmanship’? This is sports entertainment,” Daffy shouted in disgust. “All that matters is winning!”
Of course, as soon as Catwoman was attended to, Felicia turned toward the audience and raised her paws in victory.
“Yeah! I am the Excellence in Entertainment! I’m number one!” Felicia cheered, to which the crowd responded in kind.
“That’s a little better,” Daffy muttered.
“Come on ‘Jealous of Donald’,” April said as she got up to leave. “We have to return to the back for the next match.”
“Now that was just plain mean.”
Two large humanoid figures stalked the vast corridors of the massive arena. Their large bat-like wing were kept folded behind their backs, above their thrashing lizard-like tails. Their sharp claws and powerful muscles were ever at the ready. Stone by day, warriors by night. They are defenders of the night. They are Gargoyles.
And now, they are on security detail.
“I really don’t think the cafeteria needs this much security,” A reddish colored gargoyle with sharp horns and a beak voiced his concern. “Besides, Goliath and Angela are waiting for us.”
“C’mon Brooklyn. It’s a high traffic area,” The larger of the two spoke. He is a rather husky gargoyle with fin-like ears and light green skin. “A lot can happen in there.”
“Broadway,” Brooklyn said to his unconvincing rookery brother. “This is the seventh time in the last half hour! What about Angela?”
“She’ll understand,” Broadway smiled confidently. “Besides, I’m hungry.”
“She’ll understand you’re always hungry,” Brooklyn quipped to himself. “Makes perfect sense to me.”
All of a sudden, a loud crash drew their attention.
“That came from the cafeteria!” Brooklyn shouted as they raced towards the sound.
“See? Told you!”
The two guardians burst into to the cafeteria, breaking through the double doors, with wings unfurled and eyes blazing white. But what they saw made them freeze in their tracks.
The only occupants of the room were two young people at a single table stacked high with quadruple orders of everything on the menu. And they were in the process of eating it all.
“C’mon Lina,” The blond haired swordsman said in between bites. “Save some pizza for me! After all, I ordered it!”
“No way Gourry!” A red headed, small chested, short-tempered sorceress snapped as she took the last three slices of said Italian cuisine.
“They’re eating all the food!” A stunned Brooklyn managed under his breath.
“Not if I can help it!” Broadway proudly stated as he spread his bat-like wings and marched into the cafeteria/war zone.
“Wait!” Brooklyn called after his rookery brother, expecting the rotund gargoyle to use force on the chaotically chowing sorceress and swordsman. “Goliath said not to start any--”
Instead of fighting, the light green gargoyle plopped down right next to the pair and joined them in their gorging. Neither Lina nor Gourry even acknowledged the large gargoyle beyond a random skirmish for a choice piece of food.
“I’ll go tell Angela you’ll be a little late,” Brooklyn sighed as he turned away from the comically gruesome scene.
* * * * *
To Be Continued…